Breakups can be rough, leaving behind a storm of emotions. Sometimes, a petty quote can capture all those feelings in just a few words. Whether you’re still nursing a wound or feeling triumphant, a well-placed jab at your ex might be just what you need.
This article brings together some of the best petty quotes for exes. These sharp, witty phrases offer a bit of humor and a lot of attitude. Perfect for sharing or simply savoring alone, they’ll give you the last laugh you deserve.
Hilarious Petty Quotes to Make You Laugh
“You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.” – Unknown
“Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.” – Unknown
“Congratulations! You have successfully completed the upgrade from significant other to insignificant other.” – Unknown
“I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” – Oscar Wilde
“You must be exhausted from watching me do everything better.” – Unknown
“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.” – Unknown
“I’ve found puddles deeper than you.” – Unknown
“I thought I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” – Unknown
“Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.” – Unknown
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“You were my favorite lesson in what not to look for in a person.” – Unknown
“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” – Warsan Shire
“Ex means: thanks for the EXperience, our time has EXpired, now EXit my life.” – Unknown
“You’re the reason I look down at my phone and smile. And then walk into a pole.” – Unknown
“The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.” – Unknown
“I’m not over you; I’m just busy trying to be fabulous without you.” – Unknown
“Sorry I missed your call; I was dancing to the sound of our breakup.” – Unknown
“I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.” – Unknown
“It’s not you, it’s your entire personality.” – Unknown
Powerful Petty Quotes to Show You Mean Business
“The best revenge is no revenge. Move on. Be happy.” – Unknown
“Your last mistake was to think I need you.” – Unknown
“I burn bridges like it’s a full-time job.” – Unknown
“I’m not petty, I’m just allergic to stupidity.” – Unknown
“The trash took itself out when you left.” – Unknown
“You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.” – Unknown
“People change, things go wrong, but always remember: life goes on.” – Tupac Shakur
“One day they’ll realize they lost a diamond while playing with worthless stones.” – Turcois Ominek
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” – Hermann Hesse
“I wish exes came with a delete option.” – Unknown
“Success is the best revenge for anything.” – Ed Sheeran
“Don’t waste your time looking back; you’re not going that way.” – Ragnar Lothbrok, Vikings
“Living well is the best revenge.” – George Herbert
“You never loved her. It was just your ego that got hurt.” – Unknown
“Somebody’s trash is always someone else’s treasure.” – Tim Roth
“You treated me like an option, so I left you like a choice.” – Unknown
“Don’t get mad. Get everything.” – Ivana Trump
“You lost the moon while counting the stars.” – Unknown
“Don’t be bitter about your ex. Be better.” – Unknown
“I may be petty, but at least I’m not you.” – Unknown
Witty Petty Quotes for the Bold Ex
“You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.” – Anonymous
“I would have taken a bullet for you, but you were the one who pulled the trigger.” – Anonymous
“Isn’t it kind of silly to think that tearing someone else down builds you up?” – Sean Covey
“It’s not me. It’s you.” – Anonymous
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” – Herman Hesse
“Maybe it was a bad dream from which I have finally woken up.” – Anonymous
“I’m not heartless. I just learned how to use my heart less.” – Anonymous
“When one door closes, another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell
“You’re like a penny – two-faced and worthless.” – Anonymous
“I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.” – Anonymous
“I thought I was over you, but then I realized I had just put you under the ‘dumb decisions’ file in my brain.” – Anonymous
“Thanks for the memories, but I wouldn’t love to repeat the mistake.” – Anonymous
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Stephen Chbosky
“I lost the person I thought you were.” – Anonymous
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” – James Baldwin
“I used to hope you’d miss me, but now I only hope you can’t find anyone like me.” – Anonymous
“You were the cure, but the disease turned out to be incurable.” – Anonymous
“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra
“Here’s to my ex, thank you for setting me free.” – Little Mix, “Shout Out to My Ex”
Memorable Petty Quotes to Express Your Feelings
“Sorry, I forgot I only exist when you need something.” – Anonymous
“The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.” – Unknown
“I wish I could return to the day I met you and just walk away.” – Anonymous
“You’re the reason I prefer animals over people.” – Anonymous
“Don’t mistake my silence for weakness; I just don’t want to hurt you by revealing what I really think.” – Anonymous
“I didn’t lose you. You lost me. You’ll search for me inside of everyone you’re with, and I won’t be found.” – R.H. Sin
“Ex means: thanks for the e-xperience, our time has e-xpired, now e-xit my life.” – Anonymous
“Even my dog is happier now that you’re gone.” – Anonymous
“There’s a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society—outside of a kennel.” – Joan Crawford
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” – Anonymous
“You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.” – Anonymous
“I couldn’t help but notice how ugly you’ve become since you broke my heart.” – Anonymous
“You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'” – Anonymous
“Congratulations! You’ve just won the award for best performance in pretending to care.” – Anonymous
“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.” – Anonymous
“Out of the millions of lies you told me, ‘I love you’ was my favorite.” – Anonymous
“You’re like the end piece of bread. Everyone touches you, but no one actually wants you.” – Anonymous
“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.” – Roy T. Bennett
“Your jealousy is the compliment of my superiority.” – Anonymous
“Not everyone you lose is a loss.” – Unknown
Sarcastic Petty Quotes for the Last Word
“Oh, you’ve changed? Please, remain a stranger.” – Unknown
“I’ve seen better acting in a reality show reunion.” – Unknown
“Thank you, next.” – Ariana Grande
“If I wanted to hear from an a**hole, I’d fart.” – Unknown
“Ex means thanks for the experience. Our time has expired. Now exit my life.” – Unknown
“I’m not mad. I’m just not impressed.” – Unknown
“You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.” – Unknown
“It’s not me, it’s you.” – Unknown
“I’m not breaking up with you, I’m upgrading.” – Unknown
“We were like a 2 out of 10, but you can keep the 2.” – Unknown
“I’m done trying. If you want me, come and get me.” – Unknown
“Your name must be Wifi because I’m feeling no connection.” – Unknown
“Thanks for playing, but game over.” – Unknown
“I’ve moved on. You should try it sometime.” – Unknown
“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cabbitch’.” – Unknown
“The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.” – Unknown
“I can’t believe I dated someone who still thinks the Earth is flat.” – Unknown
“I don’t need you to be happy, I just need Wi-Fi and snacks.” – Unknown
“You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'” – Unknown
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” – Unknown
To Wrap Things Up
And there you have it— a collection of some of the best petty quotes for exes. These quotes can offer a bit of humor and maybe some comfort during a tough time. They remind us that it’s okay to laugh off the past and move forward.
Whether you’re sharing these quotes with friends or keeping them to yourself, they serve as a small reminder that you’re not alone. Breakups are hard, but a good quote can sometimes make the ordeal a bit lighter. So, explore these quotes and find the ones that speak to you. Sometimes, a little pettiness can bring a lot of relief.
