Hypocrisy—it’s everywhere, and we all know it when we see it. In a world full of contradictions, sometimes the best way to deal with hypocrisy is to laugh at it. Funny quotes about hypocrisy can make us chuckle while pointing out the absurdities around us.
Laughter is a powerful tool. It can help us cope with life’s little ironies and big hypocrisies. Here’s a curated list of the wittiest, sharpest quotes on hypocrisy that will make you nod in agreement and maybe even burst out laughing.
Classic Quotes on Hypocrisy
“I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.”
“Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.”
“The only thing worse than a liar is a liar that’s also a hypocrite!”
“A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.”
“All reformers, however strict their social conscience, live in houses just as big as they can pay for.”
“It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.”
“Some folks wear their halos much too tight.”
“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”
“Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo.”
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
“The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity.”
“To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.”
“I can resist everything except temptation.”
“He does not believe who does not live according to his belief.”
“What people say behind your back is your standing in the community.”
“One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others.”
“The world is full of pots jeering at kettles.”
“Everybody else is doing it, so why shouldn’t we?”
“Hypocrites get offended by the truth.”
“An enemy might at least be honest, a friend can lie and say they care.”
“Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.”
“The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.”
Modern Takes on Hypocrisy Quotes
“Hypocrites get offended by the truth.”
“I can resist everything except temptation… and my own hypocrisy.”
“Do as I say, not as I do. Especially if I’m caught doing something stupid.”
“The only thing worse than a liar is a liar that’s also a hypocrite.”
“Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.”
“My superpower? Spotting hypocrisy from a mile away while ignoring my own.”
“For every action, there’s a hypocrite somewhere eager to criticize it.”
“Walking the fine line between satire and hypocrisy since… forever.”
“People who live in glass houses should not throw stones, but they sure love to peek at neighbors.”
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
“The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom… or a pitstop at Hypocrisy Inn.”
“What they preach in public, they don’t practice in private.”
“Beware of the person who has nothing to lose. Except maybe their mask of hypocrisy.”
“Hypocrisy: The great human pastime, second only to complaining about hypocrisy.”
“He wears his hypocrisy like a badge of honor, proudly pinned to his chest.”
“You can fool all the people some of the time, but even hypocrites need to sleep.”
“Every saint has a past, and every hypocrite keeps a diary.”
“It’s not what you say, it’s what you do—unless you’re a politician, then it’s what you say again.”
“The first rule of Hypocrisy Club is: You do not talk about Hypocrisy Club. But feel free to judge those who do.”
“Quoting moral values while indulging in moral vices is the true calling of our age.”
“They say opposites attract, which is why honesty and hypocrisy are always sneaking out together.”
“Hypocrites are like clouds: when they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
“In a society that has you counting money, pills, calories, and steps, be sure to also count the hypocrites.”
Celebrity Insights in Quotes
“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.”
“I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.”
“A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward.”
“The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.”
“What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.”
“A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.”
“Most people sell their souls, and live with a good conscience on the proceeds.”
“My dear, I don’t give a damn.”
“The hypocrite’s crime is that he bears false witness against himself.”
“Sincerity makes the very least person to be of more value than the most talented hypocrite.”
“When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch.”
“I would have written you a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.”
“A practical politician is one who consistently compromises between his convictions and the realities of the situation.”
“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”
“The hypocrite looks for faults; the believer looks for excuses.”
“We are all hypocrites. We cannot see ourselves or judge ourselves the way we see and judge others.”
“Hypocrisy is the homage vice pays to virtue.”
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
“A politician is a person with whose politics you don’t agree; if you agree with him he’s a statesman.”
“It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.”
Political Quotes on Hypocrisy
“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.”
“A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.”
“Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.”
“I have no ambition to govern men; it is a painful and thankless office.”
“The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”
“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”
“If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.”
“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.”
“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.”
“Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied.”
“Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.”
“An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.”
“There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”
“A politician thinks of the next election. A statesman, of the next generation.”
“Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.”
“The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.”
“Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”
“The difference between a politician and a statesman is that the politician thinks of the next election while the statesman thinks of the next generation.”
“The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly.”
“I’m not a politician. I only suffer the consequences.”
“In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.”
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
“Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them.”
“Politics is the art of postponing decisions until they are no longer relevant.”
Literary Quotes on Hypocrisy
“The only vice that cannot be forgiven is hypocrisy. The repentance of a hypocrite is itself hypocrisy.”
“Hypocrisy is a fashionable vice, and all fashionable vices pass for virtue.”
“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth.”
“It is far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.”
“People who claim they don’t care what others think are usually desperate to have others think they don’t care what others think.”
“The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.”
“A hypocrite despises those whom he deceives but has no respect for himself. He would make a dupe of himself too if he could.”
“It’s not easy to juggle the truth and hypocrisy when you are a politician.”
“With people of limited ability modesty is merely honesty. But with those who possess great talent it is hypocrisy.”
“There are three things in the world that deserve no mercy — hypocrisy, fraud, and tyranny.”
“No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.”
“The more he spoke of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.”
“Hypocrites kick with their hind feet while licking with their tongues.”
“The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.”
“It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.”
“Some people think that the truth can be hidden with a little cover-up and decoration. But as time goes by, what is true is revealed, and what is fake fades away.”
“Hypocrisy is the vaseline of social intercourse.”
“Virtue has a veil, vice a mask.”
Satirical Quotes on Hypocrisy
“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”
“I always lie. Trust me.”
“Hypocrite: The man who murdered both his parents… pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan.”
“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.”
“Beneath every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
“It is better to be an outspoken atheist than a hypocrite.”
“Sincerity: If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.”
“Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.”
“A hypocrite is the kind of person who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.”
“I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.”
“There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.”
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”
“Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder, what have I done wrong, then a voice says to me, this is going to take more than one night.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
“To do is to be. To be is to do. Dooby dooby doo.”
“I always avoid prophesying beforehand because it is much better to prophesy after the event has already taken place.”
“A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent.”
“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
“An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.”
“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”
To Sum Up
Hypocrisy can be a tricky subject, but sometimes a good laugh helps us see the truth more clearly. The funny quotes we’ve gathered show just how ridiculous and human it can be to say one thing but do another. They remind us that everyone has moments of inconsistency, and it’s okay to find humor in that.
If these quotes made you smile, consider sharing them with friends or family. A little humor can go a long way in pointing out the ironies of life. Stay curious, laugh often, and keep an eye out for the next set of quotes that will bring both wisdom and a chuckle.
