Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love and laughter. It’s the perfect time to share a smile with your special someone. Humor can make any moment more memorable, and funny quotes are a great way to add joy to this special day.
Whether you’re a hopeless romantic or a cynic at heart, there’s a funny Valentine quote for everyone. These quotes will not only lighten the mood but also remind you that love doesn’t always have to be serious. Read on and find the perfect one to share!
Funny Valentine Quotes from Celebrities
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.”
“Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it’s so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.”
“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.”
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
“Remember, beneath every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.”
“Valentine’s Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.”
“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”
“I love romance. I’m a sucker for it. I love it so much. It’s pathetic.”
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.”
“If you text ‘I love you’ and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.”
“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.”
“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.”
“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”
“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”
“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.”
“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.”
“Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”
“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
Romantic yet Funny Valentine Quotes
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
“Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.”
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.”
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.”
“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.”
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
“Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing.”
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”
“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
“Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.”
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”
“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.”
“You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.”
Valentine Quotes for the Comical Couple
“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”
“Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
“You can’t put a price tag on love, but if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
“Grow old with me. The best is yet to be… mostly because we’ll be too old to remember the bad parts.”
“I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.”
“To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.”
“True love is like a toothache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
“You want to know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.”
“Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.”
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”
“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”
“I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible, but I want to spend every irritating minute with you.”
“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.”
“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?”
Funny Valentine Quotes for Singles
“Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
“I love being single. I can come and go as I please and stay out as late as I want.”
“Valentine’s Day is just another day to truly love like there is no tomorrow.”
“Single? No, I’m just in a long-standing relationship with adventure and fun.”
“I’m not single, I’m just romantically challenged.”
“Being single is smarter than being in the wrong relationship.”
“I’m not single, I’m in a relationship with myself. And it’s going really well.”
“Roses are red, violets are blue. Vodka costs less than a dinner for two.”
“Being single on Valentine’s Day is better than being in a relationship on the fourth of July and realizing you’re not free.”
“Who needs a Valentine when you have wine?”
“Single is an opportunity to live life on your own terms and not apologize.”
“Love is being stupid together. Since I’m single, I guess I’m just stupid alone.”
“Single is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.”
“Life’s too short to be wasting it with the wrong person. Just do you.”
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
“Love is like a game of chess: one false move and you’re mated.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being single on Valentine’s Day. You save money and avoid the hassle of deciding what to wear.”
“If being single is a crime, I guess I’ll be a repeat offender.”
“I don’t need a Valentine. I need a billion dollars and a fast metabolism.”
“Love yourself like you would love a soulmate – you’re worth it!”
“Remember, Cupid is shooting arrows of love. Not everyone is a good shot.”
“Valentine’s Day: a reminder that if you don’t have a soulmate, you have a soul and that’s pretty great.”
“If you haven’t found your significant other yet, it’s probably because you haven’t been significant enough to yourself first.”
“Being single is all fun and games, until you realize it’s a national holiday to celebrate love and you’re the only one celebrating with a tub of ice cream.”
Friendship-themed Funny Valentine Quotes
“Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life. Happy Valentine’s Day, my sweet cookie monster!”
“True friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.”
“We go together like drunk and disorderly.”
“You’re the cheese to my macaroni. Happy Valentine’s Day, my cheesy friend!”
“A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move a dead body.”
“You’re the friend I’d feel the worst about killing in a post-apocalyptic death match for food.”
“You’re like my favorite bra – supportive, uplifting, and hard to replace.”
“We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile… then we’ll be new friends!”
“You are my best friend because I wouldn’t dare be this weird with someone else.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day to the person who knows all my secrets and still likes me anyway.”
“A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though they know you’re slightly cracked.”
“You’re my favorite notification.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, let’s be crazy together. You go first.”
“If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one. Happy Valentine’s Day, friend!”
“Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.”
“We’ll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.”
“Here’s to the nights that turned into mornings and the friends that turned into family.”
“Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.”
“Thanks for being my unpaid therapist.”
“Our friendship is like a cup of tea. A special blend of you and me.”
“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.”
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'”
“Behind every successful person is a best friend giving them crazy ideas.”
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
“You’re the reason I look down at my phone and smile. And then walk into a pole.”
“We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.”
Clever and Funny Valentine Quotes
“Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.”
“Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
“Love is being stupid together.”
“Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate romance and love and kissy-face fealty. And if you’re short of it, you can always sit at home and watch Netflix.”
“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be… well, January.”
“Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.”
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.”
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”
“Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
“Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you.”
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.”
“Love is a lot like a Rubik’s Cube; there are many wrong twists and turns, but when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter what angle you look at it from.”
“Love is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.”
Inspirational Valentine Quotes with a Twist of Humor
“Love is sharing your popcorn.”
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”
“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.”
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.”
“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.”
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
“Love is being stupid together.”
“Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
“Love is like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight—or should I walk by again?”
“Love – a temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”
“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.”
“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”
“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.”
“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”
Wrapping-up
And there you have it! A delightful mix of funny Valentine quotes to bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your heart. These quotes are perfect for adding a light-hearted touch to your Valentine’s Day cards, texts, or social media posts.
Whether you’re sharing these witty sayings with a partner, a friend, or even enjoying them yourself, laughter is a wonderful way to celebrate love. Take these quotes and spread some joy this Valentine’s Day. After all, love and laughter go hand in hand.
